Marriage is the coming together of two different persons to live as one. With differences in background, upbringing, culture, mindset, the two have to agree on certain aspects to ensure their living together is peaceful and successful.
Below are a few vital conversations to have:
1) Finances
Sure you’ve heard something like this before; “a woman’s money is hers while the husband’s money belongs to both”… Some persons believe the man is the breadwinner and as such takes 100% responsibility, others think it’s a 50-50 thing while some believe the woman is just supposed to assist. We also have this issue of a joint account or separate accounts which sometimes is a bone of contention. These have to be discussed. It’s equally important to discuss spending habits, investment, and saving plans. Have open conversations on these and do well to come to a favourable compromise.
2)Sex
This is an integral part of marriage that has to be discussed before getting in. Get to know the ideas your partner has about sex, their expectations, the myths and beliefs they have regarding sex.
3) Children
Discussing when you want to start having children, the number of children you both desire to have. Don’t stay at your end and you’re calculating how to raise a football team whereas your wife-to-be has no plans of going above 2kids. It’s important to talk about what to do in a case where conception in marriage is delayed. Get to know what your partner thinks about other indirect means of having kids like; IVF, adoption, etc.
4) Religion(Church)
For most Christians, getting married to an unbeliever is not an option.
Notwithstanding Christians, from different churches intermarry but before engaging, you have to agree on what happens next. After marriage who is supposed to move; is it the wife moving to her husband’s church or vice versa or does each person continues fellowship in their church? It’s advisable to talk this out clearly before marriage. Minute things such as Church can bring in disputes especially when children get into the picture.
5) Love languages
A concept developed by Gary Chapman in his book: the 5 Love Languages, Love languages are ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. You must get to know which language your partner understands best to intentionally meet his/her needs
6) Current responsibilities
They are some responsibilities singles carry upon themselves like taking care of siblings/parents’ needs, financial engagements/partnership with organizations, etc… It’s important to know his/her current responsibilities to avoid being surprised when already married.
7) Family
Get to know more about your families, how you relate with them, and some things that might change once you get married. Will it be an issue accommodating extended family members in the house? If not, how long is one supposed to stay at your place? Discuss all this to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings in marriage.
8) Values
Discuss the core values you uphold dearly. This will enable you to know how to respect each other’s values and equally adopt values you both will live by.
9) Home management
As far as house chores, cooking, housekeeping is concerned it’s important to get your partner’s views on this. Does the man believe all chores are to be done by the woman? Or he’s open to assisting? Get to know what they think about getting extra assistance like house helps, nannies.
10) Views on infidelity
People don’t get married with the intention of cheating on their spouses but well shit does happen. So it’s important to discuss how to handle such in case it ever happens.
Before saying “I do” it’s very important to discuss these few and more (feel free to drop/add more in the comment section).
Be very open and honest as you discuss these, know which you can be flexible with and equally those which are non-negotiable. Don’t be scared to walk away if you both can’t come to a compromise on key issues. A broken engagement they say is better than a broken marriage.
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